I’m not going to sit here and talk about forgiveness in some woo woo, it fixes everything magickally sort of way. I don’t see it in that light. I’m also not going to encourage anyone to forget. Forgetting just sets us up to be hurt again. I don’t hold on to anything or don’t make effort to remember every day they were an ass. I remember what they have in them to do to me, what they are OK doing to me and being done to me. I send them love, smile, be respectful because that’s who the fuck I am. I don’t ever let them close again…ever! If their too bad, I’ve been know to ask people not to speak to me, to leave me alone. I have boundaries and some are not forgive when they are crossed.
Forgiveness isn’t easy, it takes time, patience and a lot of inner work. It’s
all about us, not the one we’re trying to forgive. It’s about what they chose
to do. It’s about seeing the side of someone you never knew they had. Taking
the fear, shame, pain, guilt, anger and all the other feelings that could come
with being hurt and turning it into our own inner strength isn’t an easy
journey and not everyone makes it. Its such a dark road however, that dark road
leads to the light of true freedom. You free yourself from lower emotions that
keeps us from growing. We no longer allow that person to rent space in our
heads for free.
Every human on this planet is given the same amount of time…from the newest born among us to the ones ready to transition, we all get the same amount of time. We get all there is. How much of that precious time does the the person that hurt me deserve? Contrary to popular belief, we can only do one thing at a time. Multi-tasking means we’re doing multiple tasks not very well. It’s no good for the consciousness. How much of my limited time am I wasting on nonsense like what someone did in the past. During all that wasted time, I am not doing a thing to the one I’m mad at, I’m extending my power to them and I’m not growing. In fact, I’m shrinking into my lower nature. They had enough of my time when they were blessed with my presence and choose to abuse it. They deserve no more of it.
The biggest, hardest thing for me to forgive is my former step dad. He does not deserve that title so we will call Him Z. Z is a sick, insecure alcoholic with no soul. He molested me from age 2 to age 16. I moved out of the house at 16. I have years of work behind me on this and can talk about it without it bothering me or lowering my vibration today. It took a lot of work to get here but I made it. I beat the devil himself. Z tried his best to keep me quiet and almost succeeded. He kept me in fear until I was 16 and had enough.
I don’t know what came over me at age 16, I just stood up, blew up and left. I lived in tremendous fear of this person my entire childhood. All the fear left me, I stood up strong, physically, emotionally, spiritually. I put my will into this like I never have before. I didn’t even know what my will is at the time but I was using it in that moment. Z didn’t even get out of his chair…not like him at all. Needless to say, I was not alone that day. I had divine help getting me out of that situation. I still remember my mom sitting on the couch and Z in his recliner that had a nice stash of booze in the side pocket at any given time. Z was in shock, frozen. My mom, bless her precious heart, said something but didn’t pursue it. It all came out with F Bombs sprinkled in. I did not know my power at the time but somehow found it without even knowing it. I was using it for the first time. I put a stop to it right then and there. The adults in my life I tried to turn to weren’t successful, most just thought I was making it up. Who can blame them? The details are unbelievable. A few had a visit from Z and stopped communicating with me and/or the family all together. I was on my own and I knew it. I walked to a friend’s house that night. My mother had no idea what was going on and is in no way, shape or form responsible for this guy. If I weren’t too scared to tell her, she would have killed him. We since talked about it, that was very healing. Mom is awesome.
On the other side of forgiveness is peace and freedom. There are no more negative thoughts, nightmares, lower feelings or even much thinking about it. I have been able to use it to encourage others to forgive and show them it’s possible. I’ve been able to hold space for others who needed to cry it out, get mad scream, jump up and down, whatever it takes to get it out. I’ve been able to help people talk it out in a setting that isn’t clinical, just as human to human, friend to friend, being to being. I will not allow those years I spent in hell go to waste.
If this boy (Z is NOT a man) had his way, I would be living with what he’s done. He would have the control over me and my life in which he tried so hard to keep. He’s cold, cruel and can watch someone suffer without feeling a thing. I had no idea how I was going to escape him however, I had the will to do it and that was all I needed.
Forgiveness isn’t easy and it’s not for the person that hurt us. It’s for us. It doesn’t make what they did OK and it does not mean they can come back into your life. They don’t even need to know about it. They may be dead, it’s not the person you’re forgiving, it’s the memory of them and what they did. Let it go. Don’t listen to the medical system, you can do this. It’s best to do it without man made drugs and foods as those can hinder your progress. Regardless, make the decision and let your actions and thoughts support that decision.
I don’t take pleasure in the suffering of another nor do I wish suffering on
anyone. Karma does let you watch sometimes and karma let me see that today Z is
a drunk living with his elderly mother. I almost feel pity for him…almost.
Z’s way of life was not sustainable and he took the road downhill. It makes it
easier to forgive when I see how pathetic he’s become. I want nothing to do
with him, wish him love and happiness and move on. There is no more need for me
to be in that energy anymore.
You are stronger than anyone who victimized you.
Being victimized is a horrible thing. Remaining a victim is a choice.
Forgive for you. Fuck them.
Love and Light,
Rainie Dae
Love of Lotus Apothecary and Farm 